Lust.

I don't really do touchphones, even the all-the-rage iPhone. Especially not the iPhone, because it's big and expensive you can't fit it into your pocket and it's expensive (did I say that already?). Plus the fact that about halfway into a text message, your screen = Smudgefest.

However. If there was one reason I'd want to proudly display this gadget on my desk -- or better yet, wear it as a really expensive accessory -- it would be this.




And this.



HOLYFUCK can someone tear my lustful eyes away.

These and a bunch of other gorgeous phone togs were designed by Hannah Stouffer, a gifted lady who will make you love slithering things as much as I do, if not more.


Just a few facts:

• Snakes are possibly the only mobile living things on earth with utter control of their muscles. In fact they are made more or less of muscle, and some very pretty skin. In other words, you're just jealous.
• A tiny fraction of the world's entire snake population is venomous. The rest will simply a)crush you to death or b)leave you alone -- the wee little grass snake, for example, can't do shit to a human being. The boa constrictor, meanwhile, swallows cows for breakfast. Keep that in consideration when you're looking for a reptile pet. Unless you have a barnyard in which to keep all the cows.
  
• I get this question quite a bit, so for those who've yet to ask: the tattoo on my left arm is a python, not a viper. Vipers have distinctively diamond-shaped heads. I prefer pythons & constrictors because of their ultra sensual, slow coiling movements.