Phones With Attitude

How many of you have smartphones?

(Counts raised hands)

How many of you have smartphones that look like black oblong bars? (Or look like it fell off the Blackberry bush - even though it's a Nokia?)

Thought so.
Helping to market mobile products for the past few months have exposed me to a fairly wide range of the latest-&-greatest in phone tech. Except I keep having to look twice and thrice at the model name because - oh - most of 'em look the damn same.

In fact, without your custom skin, you could plonk your iPhone on a table with five other i-Oblongs and not be able to pick it out. (Try it.) Yet I know there ARE smartphones out there that are far from lazy when it comes to outstanding form factor. Now I'm not talking concept phones, but gadgets produced for the mass market, or at least are ready to hit the production line. And they don't cost half a million bucks either. (OK, maybe one or two do.) They are also usable and not so high-art that you can't send a simple text message with it.

With that in mind, I've cherry-picked 10 aesthetically daring beauties for your viewing pleasure. Strictly viewing, since most of 'em are locally unavailable...


10. The Outsider

Sure some of you may laugh at its retro outline. But look at that side profile! The sheer slenderness beats most of the fancy-schmancy models out there. Plus last I checked, black & orange makes a statement in almost any country (except countries that hunt tigers in long grass, in which case it might be a dangerous sort of statement).



9. The Chute

Yes, it desperately needs a less rubbishy name. On the other hand, a Freakin' Wood Phone. You wanna be avant-garde? You wanna be Nature's bff? Get on it. Your eco-bitch friends will be so jealous they'll regret blowing a chunk on their smugly be-sloganed Anya Hindmarch bags.

Besides, the lil icon on the back looks like sweet, sweet weed.



8. Casio Commando


Commando. Now that's a real man's name. And I'm saying that as a woman.

This smartphone is not so much beautiful as badass. It smacks of something the hero of a military action movie would whip out and bark commands into, likely ending with some gruff witticism that will be immortalised in IMDB's top Film Quotes. Plus it comes with Android tech! Hear that yuppies? Put down that emasculating, wafer-thin thing already.



7. Fender HTC


You can already hear the perfect twang of a well-tuned Stratocaster as you lay this on the table, while your Berry-toting colleagues very secretly admire this vintage-styled beauty and wish for a sliver of its caramel sexiness. Too bad; they've spent their bucks on what everyone else is already carrying. Coz they don't know rock 'n roll till they see it.



6. Blackberry Empathy


Wait, was I dissing Berries? Forget I said that. Occasionally they drop the standard oh-so-sleek lines for stuff like this. It looks...totally un-phone-like. And more like a piece of basalt carved straight from a post-volcanic bed, and polished for your pleasure baby. The only reason I'm not rating this higher is because of its slightly uncomfortable grip, and because your fingers might fall off if you try heavy-duty texting on those buttons.



5. Enever Bamboo



Literally. Bamboo. It's lighter and more durable than plastic, and has the bonus of ruling ass in the biodegradable sector (along with the earlier woodphone). Nice contemporary lines married with a touch of vintagey awesomeness. And the classy matte black just completes the package. It's a little thick - but thick only equals ugly when you're talking humans, IMHo.



4. Nokia x7


I have seen an epic space vehicle in this shape before. It might have been in Star Wars, I can't remember. The x7 certainly proves that sometimes, great design is in the details. It looks like a standard touchscreen phone in most aspects - except that it dares to break the boundaries of sleek modernist curves. Its reward: bold, angular chic that is outstanding without trying.



3. The Versace


That purple is so bright it's almost ridiculously awesome. Who would dare put out a dare-you-to-afford-it, luxury phone in that shade? Only Versace. (And maybe the late McQueen.) Plonk that on the table and instantly mark your diva territory. Mariah/J Lo 2.0 has arrived, y'all.

And look, it even comes in a more subtle and very sexy black:


Suggestive of opulently framed glass doors at the front, and quietly expensive embossed leather at the back. CLASSY.



3. The Lamborghini

Too bad the racer-boys I know couldn't afford this if they sold their modified cars and cycled to work for the next five years. If as a designer you're briefed to translate a dangerously sporty car into a pocket-sized phone without making it look like a rejected Transformer, this is how to do it. Look at that. I'm not even into cars (except for miniature ones which I used to collect)...and even my heart is racing.



1. Vertu Constellation Quest

It's a personification of the most well-paid, charismatic, Savile Row-wearing, cufflink-sporting boardroom shark you know ...on steroids.

You can already imagine this going with a dark crimson power tie and nicely buffed leather shoes. Forget golf on weekends; this person forgoes the typical "look at me I'm rich" trappings for something truly unusual and insanely expensive, like collecting yachts and buying a harbour in which to display them.

'Constellation Quest' may sound like a braggadacious mouthful. But not if you've got the money to back it up, baby.


~ ~ ~

The devil is in the details. And without details, the world would be a terribly dull place.
Serpent 5:45



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