Lately

i am scattered.

my head is everywhere and nowhere. my thoughts are neurons blown apart from their nucleus like so much dandelion fluff.

i need an anchor. i need a single thought or act to hold my day together. before i lose it altogether.

sometimes i frighten myself. although this is nothing new. i have always been a freak - to myself and to others. some people learn to love me for it (or despite it). some find it charming a few are just scared off. not that i need to care about those.

still, it would be nice to be somewhat normal for a day. (or subnormal. is that an acceptable state of mind?)

let me be grounded, even as i dream.

let my next recollection be more than a shattered memory.

let me stop stumbling.

It's Quiet Here.

Surrounded by high wooden shelves, the caramel-glow of soft yellow lights, it's almost too private here. I am used to an open bustling space where you can see everything and everyone; where the music from your small crappy speakers can carry across to the other end of the room.

The wall to my left is all too convenient for leaning against in an after-lunch time-out. Compared to my former office, I feel so cozily hidden as to be almost inconsequential. But I'll get used to it. Perhaps even love it. And if I want to do some socialising, I guess I can do so on the way to the pantry, which is quite a walk away.

But another reason it is so quiet is my ear infection.

Yeah, my right ear is Out Of Order right now. Half my world is mute until this dastardly swelling (which thankfully does not hurt unless I press on it) goes down.

Quiet is peaceful. Quiet is good. But too much of it can drive you mad.

Ah, what the hell; I was half-mad all the time.

An Apocalypse Theory of Love

you will never know the scenes in which i leaned over your desk and whispered lust into your ear. you will never see the words i erased from my machine as i left you one more time. 

but you could have

if the world existed for you and i.

* * *

IMAGINE
the end, in ashen-faced clarity
The world in dust at our feet
So we would be free to
Finally live it

The sunlight cuts neon gaps in the Venetian blinds. It is dark where he sits, though, and he is ever nestled in a thundercloud. I feel his heat. I watch his hands simmer in stillness.

Weary,
Secrets spill amidst the gunfire
We hide, closer than rules allow
We touch, united by the terror
Of being human

The whiteness of the walls deaden sensation, but not feeling. I warm my hands in coffee-steam. Soon, evening will settle into restless night. You walk past for the third time but it feels like the first.


Dust
Settles on the sunset
High up in a tower, we wait
Holding on for need of comfort
As the skies turn nuclear red


There is another dimension between the patchwork of incidental closeness and almost-coincidence. A love that lies in wait amidst the clacking of keyboards, waiting for the world to fall so that truth can finally be told.


Inevitable.
What triumph be your accidental kiss
What victory is this war-torn attraction?
Your hand in mine, at the edge
of the universe.

Think Dark Thoughts

All Hallows Eve draws close.

While poetic images of autumn leaves and and glowing jack-o-lanterns and witching-hour hijinks regale us, the reality is rather more mundane. Especially in a tropical city like mine where holidays based on spiritual unrest tend to lose their romanticism.

But it doesn't mean we can't have our bit of fun. Whether you're flipping through your DVD collection for a Best Of horror-thon or sipping Bloody Mary in a skintight Satan suit in some posh club, have a merry October 31st.

Think dark thoughts, my loves...think plenty of them. May a few of your tastiest ones come true.

~ ~ ~ ~

It is better to entertain crude acts than to commit them
Serpent 4:13

~

The World Needs Guts

Stand up for what you believe in. Learn to say yes. Learn to say no. Learn to be stupid. Learn to be brave. Make crazy your normal. Make normal an option (not a must).

Put some steel in your spine. Put some spine in your stance. Grow some balls (even if you're a woman). Walk with one foot in the clouds. Walk like you're dancing. Dance like no one's watching. Be eccentric. Be bold. Be brave. Live without apology.

Live honestly.

- - -

...it is better to be sincere than silent.

Serpent 6:67

The Serpent's Den

Pretty, pretty creatures. Jewel gleam and ruby-red, velvet green and leather-black. My slithery friends can be found at the National Museum in KL till Oct 11. If you are lucky, the King Cobra may rear its head for you. (Consider it an honour.) And delight in a haven crawling with these beauties...

A lovely corn snake waking from its nap

Venomous beauty in the viper pit

A languid ball python

Adorable amber cornsnake

Mangrove snake; how it gleams

Gorgeous, russet-hued motley cornsnake

Coral-hued serpent saying hello.

A basking red-tail ratsnake